Wouldn't
by LookAboveYou
Summary: The thought of all this, our own lives all together, being a part of the past hit me like a wave. I didn't bother to wipe the tears that fell. They went through a lot together, but only now did I understand the connection my Hiccup had with Toothless. And in the evening of their lives, he saw himself in Toothless.


**So last night, I was in bed and was thinking about my favorite movie, How To Train Your Dragon. Then this fanfic idea popped into my head! When animals are sick, we help their passing. Set this way back in time on an island called Berk with our beloved characters, and you'll find something different.**

**Typical of anything involving Hiccup.**

**Disclaimer: Well, I asked for Toothless last Christmas, but never got him or any of the HTTYD characters. Consequently, I own nothing of Dreamworks in this story. However, I'm probably going try again this Christmas… :P **

**Enough talk. Enjoy.**

He loved that dragon.

I saw it as the flames danced at their reflection in his eyes as he sat by the fire. A hand sat motionless with fingers in rows of long silver locks as he sat in contemplation.

Time had been no friend to him. The lines on his face marked a life full of hard labor, the salt in the air having scraped at his skin for years as he sailed the clouds. Our little island called Berk had been our home since the day we were born. Of course, we ventured off of it during our lifetime when we were on quests for the treasure of experiencing other lands. But never once had he been content away from Berk, even if the country we were visiting had a more comfortable climate. He preferred the sweet reward of eating the food we worked hard to protect during the long winter months, the countless nights spent up on the ocean while fishing, the buckets of sweat he secreted while pounding away at iron in the shop, and the constant toil of making decisions for not only his own family but our whole island community. And the years full of such activities will take its toll on a being.

I slipped my hand into his, observing the chill that it held. His hands were always cold these days, and as my thumb gently stroked it I was reminded again of why. Although rough and scarred, his skin was thinning and increasing with wrinkles and darker pigments. My eyes traveled up from our hands to my own arm, also adorned with age spots. I combed the dull silver tuff of hair with my fingers and then kissed it.

"Hiccup, I know how you feel…"

"No, you don't!" he suddenly stood and towered over me. The graveness of the situation refused to let my stomach flutter from the attraction his height usually gave me. "You don't, Astrid! He's been my friend longer than even you have, you can't understand the weight of the decision you're telling me to make!"

He was right.

The vision of what happened the day before flashed before me. Toothless- the mighty black Night Fury who had frozen hearts with fear and embraced other hearts with grace- was curled up in Hiccup's old childhood room, sicker than a Viking after a night in the Mead Hall. The grey, aged scales rose and fell with each raspy breath he took, the wheezing impossible not to notice. With experienced tactics, I felt and found the fever, heard the thickness in his lungs, and counted the pulse. Immediately, I rushed outside to gather some wood, the cold wind from winter cutting through the thin material of my shirt and skirt like knives. I scolded myself for not putting on a coat, but then settled on the fact that this was an emergency. It was as I piled on the third chunk of wood in my arms that I heard a hair-raising sound coming from the house. Being used to sudden shocks, I refused to drop the wood and instead clutched it tighter as I fought the wind to get back inside. However, once I reached the room, I did drop the logs.

Toothless was attempting to heave, though nothing was coming out. I rushed into the kitchen and dragged the wash bucket into the room anyway. I would not have my rug smelling like rotten fish. But the trickling red made me forget all about fish. Toothless had begun coughing, and what splattered out and down the poor beast's lips was blood. My knees suddenly felt very weak, and I rushed again into my closet to grab the big quilt I made during my first pregnancy. I had overdone the stitching in certain places, and it was entirely too long for any normal person's purposes. But it fit over Toothless perfectly, and he weakly nickered in thanks between a cough as I tucked it around him tighter. His body shook with cold as he finished hacking the last bit of blood from his throat, and I left again and grabbed a towel to wipe the blood from his face and the floor. His eyes were halfway shut and glassy as I gently cleaned, gratitude etched over his features. I patted his cheek and kissed his nose before his eyes shut completely, and he quickly fell asleep. I grabbed my skins and headed out into the blizzard.

I found Hiccup in the shop fixing a broken shovel. The table was littered with little things to be fixed, and the fire behind him was blazing hot. Knowing he'd normally be in no hurry to get home, I decided to cut to the chase.

"Hiccup, Toothless is sick!"

Without a word, he dropped the shovel and slung on his coat. "Come on," he said, grabbing my hand.

Back at the house, he barely caught the chair with his hind when I told him what happened. He didn't seem too concerned at first, until I mentioned the blood. With that, his face turned pale. After a visit from Roughnut and Fishlegs, who knew more about dragon health than even I did, they all came up with the same conclusion as mine. And mine wasn't good. I watched as Hiccup's heart dropped as the odds were falling against his hopes. We all knew this sickness.

The next 24 hours were horrible. I ran back and forth from whatever I was doing to go in with Toothless, alerted by the sound of him coughing. Hiccup became more and more restless as blood continued to color in every fit. At one point, Toothless became so cold, we stacked every blanket and skin we had on him and he still shivered. The chill he had came from inside his bones, and no amount of outside heat was going to warm it. Though, I didn't tell Hiccup this.

During the night, Hiccup shook me awake from my sleep in bed. "Toothless is gone! Astrid! Help him!"

Again, I ran into the room, unburried the dragon from the blankets, and searched for his pulse. I could hear Hiccup's own heartbeat in the silence that escalated. But there was the pulse again, weak but still there. The relief that flooded the hazel eyes of the dragon trainer was indescribable, though I was astonished at the accent the situation stressed on Hiccup's face. His wrinkles were heavy, and his hair seemed to be a darker grey. Silently, I shuffled up to him and kissed his cheek before going to the kitchen to put on some tea.

When I came back, Hiccup was sound asleep on the floor, propped up by the wall. A small smile managed to form, so I got down with him and laid his head on my lap. Feeling me situate him, he rubbed my knee with his hand and kissed my thigh without opening an eye. The soft snore that followed made my smile grow a little bigger.

Deciding to keep watch over Toothless, I thought on the history this pair had. From when they first encountered each other to current times, one was never found long without the other. The red flag that served as a tailfin on Toothless' tail caught my attention, and automatically my eyes switched to Hiccup's prosthetic leg. These two obviously had a bond like no other. And although I knew without a doubt that Hiccup loved me as his wife, I also knew he had a special love for Toothless. He never left Hiccup's side.

When we were young, Hiccup designed a ship that could hold Toothless, which was the only way Toothless would allow Hiccup to leave the island to visit others. Oddly enough, he refused to fly on his own. Hiccup created his own tailfin that didn't need human assistance. But eventually, Toothless had enough of it and crashed it. He didn't want to put the bond they had in any kind of jeopardy. When Hiccup and I got closer, Toothless kept a respectful distance, but he was always within earshot. Among other preparations for the wedding, we had to replace the doors in Hiccup's house with locks. Toothless understood soon enough why. Then when our precious babies came, Toothless was a perfect guardian angel. He watched those flaming red haired kids as they wandered from Hiccup and my sight, and snuffed behind the dates they had later on. Hiccup appreciated Toothless' help, and in turn, he helped Toothless with every opportunity.

The thought of all this, our own lives all together, being a part of the past hit me like a wave. I didn't bother to wipe the tears that fell.

In the morning, I was awoken from dozing by a kiss from my baggy eyed Hiccup. Toothless was quietly lying there, awake but in a slight daze. The familiar squeak from Hiccup's prosthetic echoed as it traveled into the kitchen, and I stretched while rubbing my eyes. Perhaps I was wrong. Maybe Toothless would be alright, and he just had a mild case. As if on cue to prevent any hopes from rooting, Toothless began to cough.

Hiccup fumbled as fast as he could into the room and picked up a towel to help, but fear clutched his breast. We've been together our whole lives, and I can count on my fingers the times that I actually saw him afraid. This was one of them. He wrung the towel in his hands, eyes searching every part of Toothless' body. I knew that he, being a blacksmith, was analyzing Toothless as if he were a project in intentions of trying to create a quick fix. But the pain the dragon was enduring was too much for us to help, and there were no quick fixes for this one. Though, I didn't want to tell Hiccup.

But I had to.

When poor Toothless coughed the last, his head hit the floor with exhaustion. Hiccup was grateful that Toothless drifted off to sleep again, and pulled the blankets tighter around him. I laid my hand on his shoulder.

"Hiccup, we're doing all we can."

He paused a moment, and I tried to feel whether or not he was becoming defensive. But his hand laid on top of mine, and he turned to face me. "I know, Astrid. And it's helping. He's asleep again."

He gave me a smile and touched my cheek before patting Toothless one more time and leaving the room. I knew what he was doing. Although Hiccup wasn't your traditional Viking, he was still a Viking. I slightly huffed and followed after him into the main room.

"Hiccup, he's in pain. We're trying to help him, but it's not working. What we're doing isn't enough. He's not going to get better, and we need to do something to ease the passing."

He stopped. I knew my words were sharp, but I was never one for sugar coating and beating around the bush. Especially when people are difficult, and this was no time to act like a stubborn child. His prosthetic squealed as he turned to eye me. "Toothless will get better. He's been sick before-"

"Not this sick," I interrupted. I sighed softly and walked up to Hiccup. "Do you really want him to continue having to endure this pain?"

"But what if he DOES get better?"

"He's not going to."

"How would you know?! You're no doctor!"

The voice that never quite fully matured rose a few decibels. This automatically made my cheeks flush. "No, I'm not. But I've seen a heck of a lot of cases like this."

"They were with people! And other dragons and other _th_-things! Not a Night Fury. Not a glorious Night Fury!"

"Night Furies are animals just like every other animal."

"Toothless isn't just like any other animal!"

I paused. "I know he's not, he's a special animal. But he is still an animal and he still has the same kind of pain, and you know that kind of pain, Hiccup! You've seen it before, stop trying to deny that you have!"

"I'm not going to just kill my _best friend_ over a cold!"

" It's not a cold, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock, it's pneumonia! A bad case of it! You've watched others die from it, it's not a pleasant experience. As Toothless' owner, you need to be responsible and not let the poor thing suffer like this!"

"How long do you estimate he has?" he snarled wryly.

"Hiccup, stop it. I don't know how long it'll take, but eventually it will come, and would you rather him suffer weeks like that poor zippleback did, or actually be of help to Toothless?!"

"We let that zippleback continue its life to the last with dignity, didn't we?!"

"That was a long time ago, and what dignity? His pride was doused with incapacities and humiliation because of it! And after that we put every dragon that was sick or injured that we couldn't help out of its misery."

"Well, what about the people?! The people in our tribe that we govern? What about our parents, others we knew, all who suffered in death. Why didn't we kill them then, huh?!"

"They were people, Hiccup! You don't kill people, it's wrong! Toothless is an animal, and you are his owner. You need to be a man and ease his passing!"

"But Toothless isn't LIKE other animals!"

"I know that, but-"

"No, you don't. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

He sunk into his chair in front of the fire. He watched its flames play, unaware of the grief that caused the room to feel stuffy and the air to feel heavy. I took Hiccup's hand and stroked it.

"Hiccup, I know how you feel…"

"No, you don't!" he stood up and glared at me. . "You don't, Astrid! He's been my friend longer than even you have, you can't understand the weight of the decision you're telling me to make!"

I took a step back, very knowing of my husband's anger. He never did and never would lay a finger on me, but he had his father's temper. And it wasn't something you particularly enjoy having thrust upon you. So, in view of the circumstances, I didn't bristle like I usually would to such a challenging gesture to continue arguing. While I was quite aware that what Hiccup and Toothless had was uniquely special, I didn't completely understand it. I didn't know how it all felt.

Hiccup was right.

So, I regained the step I took away from Hiccup. His eyes softened at the gesture, but he maintained his pose, always so steadfast and determined to stay true to what he believed was right. I knew better than to doubt him, and so I simply nodded and walked away into our bedroom, shutting the door.

Another coughing fit from Toothless brought me to my feet again. I slipped on my robe, throwing my silver braid over my shoulder and padded to the room again, my feet bare and cold on the wood. Hiccup's voice made me stop and listen at the door.

"Hey, Bud…. I love you so much, but uh-…" his voice cracked as he sniffed a couple times. "I'm-I'm gonna have to….. Toothless, I don't want you in pain. It kills me to see you in all this pain, I hate it, I hate it! I feel like a… like a bad friend just sitting there, watching you be tortured…."

Quietly, I cracked open the door just enough to see inside. I barely muffled a gasp when I saw the knife Hiccup had in his hands.

"_I don't want to do this!_" His voice shook so much, it was hardly audible. "I just want to… I want to be a good friend! _A good friend!_ Li-like you were to me all these years. Dang it! I wish you could talk! You'd tell me what you want me to do!"

I noticed that Toothless was awake, his eyes fixed on the man. If I hadn't of known better, I would have thought that Hiccup was a boy again, and Toothless a much younger dragon.

"You'd tell me," he whispered. "But you can't so… I have to choose. I'm a good friend…" Hiccup slowly raised the knife…. "_a good friend!_" he told Toothless.

My eyes widened as the knife hovered over Toothless' heart. As a hunter, I knew that one plunge into it, and it would be all over and over quick. My breath hitched in my throat as Hiccup started to bring the knife down.

But he stopped midway.

He looked at Toothless. Toothless' eyes were relaxed. Complete trust highlighted the tired green irises. Again, Hiccup tried to bring down the knife….

But it stopped again. Finally, his arms fell to his side and his knife hit the ground. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

"_I can't do it bud._"

He began to weep, and I felt the inclination to rush to his side and comfort him. But something held me back. This was their moment together, one I didn't have the right to spoil. A tear of my own dropped as I watched Toothless wearily wrap a wing around Hiccup. It then hit me.

Don't get me wrong, I have felt loved to the upmost by Hiccup, and know that his love will never stop growing for me as mine does for him. But I was never rejected by my tribe, I always did good on my own two feet, my friends and family could show me how to improve something but could never help me. Toothless was somehow all this to Hiccup, and vice versa. _Hiccup didn't even consider Toothless as an animal as much as he did as someone on his own level of thinking and feeling._ He was the only friend to him when no one else cared. He was the reason why everything was like it was today. And as much as I would like to feel that certain kind of friendship and connection… I never will. But now as I watched Hiccup with Toothless, I wasn't surprised to see both chests rise and fall the same time they drew breath.

Hiccup's crying ceased, and Toothless whimpered softly in question.

"Yeah, I'm alright, bud," Hiccup responded.

Hiccup then told Toothless a story. It was about the lives of a certain little boy and a certain Night Fury, and how their friendship blossomed into the evening of their lives. I listened with awe at things I never knew before and scenes I never saw. When Hiccup reached the current time in his tale, Toothless' breath was becoming slower than his friend's…

"And then, Toothless, the amazing dragon who taught the boy Hiccup so much…. Closed his eyes…. And passed into a land where we will never grow old, but live forever in peace. There, he waited for his friend, because he knew that that's just what Hiccup would do if it were him… the end."

I inwardly applauded my husband for his serenity in ending the tale. Toothless' approval was expressed in an affectionate nudge, causing Hiccup to wrap his arms around Toothless' huge head and smile. Toothless then grew a gummy smile, making Hiccup laugh weakly.

Toothless suddenly took a heavy breath, and Hiccup's face grew serious.

"I love you, Toothless." He halfway stuck out his hand in front of Toothless, meaning every bit of the phrase.

The dragon knew it. Toothless looked deeply into Hiccup's eyes and then closed his own, reaching out his nose so that it would fit into Hiccup's hand. With his hand on Toothless nose, Hiccup's own eyes closed, and I turned around, allowing them their final moment together. When I turned back, they were no longer together.

The snow had melted and the birds were out singing. I had just helped my great granddaughter make a necklace out of shells on the beach, when I looked up and saw a figure on a cliff above us overlooking the ocean. I shooed away my lovely granddaughter to her mother as any playful great grandmother would do, then I headed up into the forest toward the cliff. The tracks of one foot and a sliding thing of some sorts with edges confirmed who it was I was tracking down. Upon reaching him, I snuck quietly behind him- a feat I can still do even in my old age, thank you very much. I felt the jerk in his thoughts as he knew I was suddenly standing beside him. I know Hiccup, and he was up here away from the hustle and bustle to mourn. It's part of the healing process as I assume, and I am completely fine with it. It was a long time ago that I discovered that tears aren't always such a bad thing. My assumptions were proven correct when Hiccup bit his lip.

"I, uh… I needed some quiet to think."

About Toothless, which was the obvious thing. I then decided to outright ask him the question that had burned my thinking wheels for the past couple months.

"Why didn't you?"

Hiccup, who also knows me, was right on the page. "I couldn't."

The familiarity of the conversation was eerie. "_C_ouldn't?"

He sighed and accepted. "_W_ouldn't."

I gave him the listening look.

"I wouldn't because…. He looked as trusting in me as I was in him. _I looked at him, and I saw myself_."

The words sunk into my heart as I watched the waves roll over each other. Slowly, I slid my hand into his. He suddenly brought me in and kissed me, the smell of his salty skin intoxicating and the taste of his lips comforting. When it ended, he smiled that same smile that followed him since he was a boy. That stupid, lopsided grin that always made me melt. I smiled myself at the thought and laughed as he rolled his eyes at me.

The older we get, the more we loved ones we lose. I might decide to go on ahead one day, or Hiccup might beat me to it. It's coming soon either way, I can feel it in my bones. But, _"We all die eventually,"_ as Hiccup says. So I look forward to that day when we see the ones we lost long ago. And I wouldn't be surprised if Toothless will be found still with only one real tailfin, as he sat in wait for his one legged friend.

**Now this is a button I wouldn't mind you pressing…**

**Pretty please with sugar on top! **


End file.
